Alex Salmond ....

[slparry]

Alex Salmond walked into the Edinburgh branch of HSBC to cash a cheque.

As he approached the cashier he said "Good morning , could you please cash this cheque for me"?

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir. Can you please show me your ID?"

Salmond: "Well I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to - I am Alex Salmond, First Minister for Scotland.

Cashier: "I’m sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity."

Salmond: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry First Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Salmond: "I need this cheque cashed."

Cashier: "Perhaps there’s another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.

Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque. So sir, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the Deputy Prime Minister?"

Salmond stood there thinking and finally says: "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing I'm good at."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, First Minister?

[Blackal]

Ouch! That's gonna scar!

[el-nicko]

Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, First Minister?

Back o' the net.