zoo keeper

Got some humour to share? The stage is lit and the microphone's live.

Moderators: Gromit, Paul, slparry

User avatar
ianbcr
Member
Posts: 1474
Joined: Wed Mar 19, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: Walsall

zoo keeper

Postby ianbcr » Thu Oct 31, 2013 3:19 pm

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First
Is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is
Boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by
Feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is
Attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.

He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both..
What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because
Lions eat anything...

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South
American Bees.

As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and
Smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because
Lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with
Mushy Bees
Your born with a certain amout of heart beats, Dont waste them on exersise. [smilie=rooster.gif]


04 boxer cup rep. Gone but not forgoten
99 tlr1000 (V twin) tricked.
Indian Roadmaster Elite
Mercedes EQC 400

User avatar
big rob
Member
Posts: 661
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:01 pm
Location: Angus glens

Postby big rob » Thu Oct 31, 2013 4:32 pm

this little ditty had us 'roaring' with laughter :lol:

User avatar
Paul
Wanna buy a sticker mister?
Posts: 2888
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 8:44 pm
Location: Boxertrix Towers, Norfolk
Contact:

Postby Paul » Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:22 pm

Very good. The variation I heard had him first cleaning out the aviary where he was attached by the finches, which he beat to death with the spade and fed to the lions, to give the punch line of "finch and chimps and mushy bees".

I'll get me coat... :oops:
You really need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

User avatar
Blackal
Posts: 8261
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:53 pm

Postby Blackal » Thu Oct 31, 2013 8:10 pm

A Family went to the zoo . The zoo only had one animal...a dog .

>

>

>



It was a shit zoo


Al :oops:
If I am ever on life support - Unplug me......
Then plug me back in..........

See if that works .....
:?

User avatar
bobtail
Posts: 203
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:00 am
Location: North Wales (only just)

Postby bobtail » Fri Nov 01, 2013 12:15 pm

Blackal wrote:A Family went to the zoo . The zoo only had one animal...a dog .

>

>

>



It was a shit zoo


Al :oops:


Ah yes the old ones are the best :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Are we there yet?
Image

User avatar
Bikerhoss
Member
Posts: 753
Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:26 am
Location: Kinneff, Aberdeenshire

Postby Bikerhoss » Fri Nov 01, 2013 12:58 pm

bobtail wrote:Ah yes the old ones are the best :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


I'm sure Al will be delighted with that compliment :lol:
Blame the Deed, Not the Breed
Traitor Z1000SX Owner

johnny 5
Posts: 359
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:14 pm
Location: Barton le clay

Postby johnny 5 » Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:52 pm

He He chuckle chuckle..... funny :lol:
Ktm 1290 sas
Norden 901
R1200s black

User avatar
el-nicko
Member
Posts: 1562
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:04 pm
Location: Nick from HEREFORDSHIRE, The Oceanian province of Airstrip One.

Postby el-nicko » Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:28 pm

bobtail wrote:
Blackal wrote:A Family went to the zoo . The zoo only had one animal...a dog .

>

>

>



It was a shit zoo


Al :oops:


Ah yes the old ones are the best :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


they not old if you not heard 'em before. :wink:
.

Image

Mr. Spock is my role model so be advised; I possess no (discernible) sense of humour.

It's all VFR (DCT) round here now. STILL missing my 1100s tho.

User avatar
el-nicko
Member
Posts: 1562
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:04 pm
Location: Nick from HEREFORDSHIRE, The Oceanian province of Airstrip One.

Postby el-nicko » Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:32 pm

big rob wrote:this little ditty had us 'roaring' with laughter :lol:


Me too. (see wot u did there Rob :wink:)
.



Image



Mr. Spock is my role model so be advised; I possess no (discernible) sense of humour.



It's all VFR (DCT) round here now. STILL missing my 1100s tho.

User avatar
The Teutonic Tangerine
Posts: 1646
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:18 pm
Location: Essex
Contact:

Postby The Teutonic Tangerine » Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:17 am

Ah yes the old ones are the best :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:[/quote]

And the most grateful :oops:
There would appear to be a surfeit of prolixity and sesquipedalian content today please do not use a big word when a singularly un-loquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity


Return to “Humour”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests