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Quality "Females" up this way...

Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:34 pm
by Yogi Bear
1) A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing ?"
"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street,
ah gist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n'
they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"Aw 'at's easy," says the girl... "A jist use their surnames."


2) A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter.
"Ah'll be back tamorra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

3) A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK, I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Glesga"

4) A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car
phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I
just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8.
Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"

5) Another Glesga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers have I put up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

Yogi :thumbup:

Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 3:17 pm
by Man-of-Mystery
Lauchin' ma erse aff! :lol:

M-o-M

Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 6:00 pm
by Blackal
.......... and somehow - the age of the jokes appear in stark contrast to your obviously tender years :roll:

Go on - geez a real laugh............... post the pic of you falling off the bar seat at Hawes :twisted:


Al :D

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 1:40 am
by Yogi Bear
Blackal wrote:.......... and somehow - the age of the jokes appear in stark contrast to your obviously tender years :roll:

Go on - geez a real laugh............... post the pic of you falling off the bar seat at Hawes :twisted:


Al :D


Unfortunately I didn't take the picture :(
I was merely demonstrating RIGGWELTER... :wink:
(For the uninitiated - Riggwelter is Yorkshire slang for a sheep with a heavy fleece that has fallen onto its back and, being unable to get back up, has died as a result).
You'll know about that being a Teuchter and having had a few "Yows" in ter time. :thebirdman:

Ali :toothy1:

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:56 am
by Blackal
No I teuchter, Johnny! :evil:

Born and brought up south side of Glasgow :D

Al :D

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:15 pm
by Man-of-Mystery
I believe it was Jamesy Cotter who famously said, "Ich bin ein Sheepshagger!"

M-o-M

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:34 pm
by Stevie
Yogi Bear wrote:
Blackal wrote:.......... and somehow - the age of the jokes appear in stark contrast to your obviously tender years :roll:

Go on - geez a real laugh............... post the pic of you falling off the bar seat at Hawes :twisted:


Al :D


Unfortunately I didn't take the picture :(
I was merely demonstrating RIGGWELTER... :wink:
(For the uninitiated - Riggwelter is Yorkshire slang for a sheep with a heavy fleece that has fallen onto its back and, being unable to get back up, has died as a result).
You'll know about that being a Teuchter and having had a few "Yows" in ter time. :thebirdman:

Ali :toothy1:


Your description Riggwelter are called Coupy's in Scotland - Al told me that :D

(coupy as in coup'd ower)

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:57 pm
by Blackal
Man-of-Mystery wrote:I believe it was Jamesy Cotter who famously said, "Ich bin ein Sheepshagger!"
M-o-M


As far as goegraphical evidence goes........... Andrew is the most likely source of that proclamation :twisted:


Sorry Andrew :roll:

Al :D

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 8:40 pm
by Man-of-Mystery
Naw, honest - it wiz Jamesy.

M-o-M