Tesco healthcheck
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 8:55 am
Subject: How magic is Tesco 
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him "My
elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and
the
computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began
wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his
wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good
measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.
He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him "My
elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and
the
computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began
wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his
wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good
measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.
He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.