Wit or wisdom?
Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 9:55 am
1. Low Battery
A man saved his girlfriend’s phone number on his mobile as ‘Low
Battery’. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the
phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal.
2. Government Survey
A government survey has shown that 91 percent of illegal immigrants
come to England so that they can see their own doctor.
3. I’ve just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the missus
look like she’s moving during intercourse.
4. Two Thai girls asked me if I’d like to go bed with them; they said
it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We
all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!
5. Such an unfair world: When a man talks dirty to a woman it’s
considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man,
it’s £50/min (charges may vary).
6. Valentine’s Day
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound
to end in tears though; she’s lousy at snooker.
7. Got a new Jack Russell pup today. He’s mainly black and brown with
just a small white area. I’ve called him Bradford.
8. If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from
tins of ham , delete it. It’s spam.
9. They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I’m
wrong, but I don’t think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is
going to shift this beer belly.
A man saved his girlfriend’s phone number on his mobile as ‘Low
Battery’. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the
phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal.
2. Government Survey
A government survey has shown that 91 percent of illegal immigrants
come to England so that they can see their own doctor.
3. I’ve just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the missus
look like she’s moving during intercourse.
4. Two Thai girls asked me if I’d like to go bed with them; they said
it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We
all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!
5. Such an unfair world: When a man talks dirty to a woman it’s
considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man,
it’s £50/min (charges may vary).
6. Valentine’s Day
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound
to end in tears though; she’s lousy at snooker.
7. Got a new Jack Russell pup today. He’s mainly black and brown with
just a small white area. I’ve called him Bradford.
8. If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from
tins of ham , delete it. It’s spam.
9. They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I’m
wrong, but I don’t think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is
going to shift this beer belly.