GRANDPARENTS

[Blackal]

How children perceive their Grandparents

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup,
under the watchful eyes of her young
granddaughter, as she'd done many times
before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave,
the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to
kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will
probably never put lipstick on again without
thinking about kissing the toilet paper
good-bye.

2.
My young grandson called the other day to wish
me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I
was, and I told him, "80". My grandson was
quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you
start at 1?"

3.
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a
grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy
blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As
she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and
stormed into their room, putting them back to
bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a
trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4.
A grandmother was telling her little
granddaughter what her own childhood was
like. "We used to skate outside on a
pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it
hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
woods." The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking all this in. At last she said, "I
sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5.
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are
alike?" I mentally polished my halo and
replied, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're
both old," he replied.

6.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on
her grandfather's word processor. She told
him she was writing a story. "What's it
about?", he asked. "I don't know", she
replied. "I can't read."

7.
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned
her colors yet, so I decided to test her.
I would point out something and ask what color
it was. She would tell me and was always
correct. It was fun for me, so I
continued. At last, she headed for the
door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try
to figure out some of these colors
yourself!"

8.
When my grandson Billy and I entered our
vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we
were inside to avoid attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed
us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the
mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."


9.
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I
teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandpa", he advised,
"Mine says 'I'm 4 to 6'."

10.
A second grader came home from school and said
to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today." The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried
to keep her cool. "That's interesting."
she said . . . "How do you make
babies?" "It's simple", replied the
girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11.
Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a
public servant", said a teacher. The small
boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder,
pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to
correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant
means?", she asked. "Sure", replied the
young boy confidently. 'It means carrying
a child."

12.
A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren
to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed
past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children
started discussing the dog's duties. "They
use him to keep crowds back", said one
child. "No", said another. "He's
just for good luck." A third child brought
the argument to a close. "You're both
wrong . They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to
find the fire hydrants."

13.
A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma
lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the
airport, and when we want her, we just go get
her. Then, when we're done having her
visit, we take her back to the airport."

14.
Grandfather is the smartest man on earth! He
teaches me good things, but I don't get to see
him enough to get as smart as him!

15.
My Grandparents are funny. When they bend
over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their
dog.